I’ve come to apologize. I have been cruel, thoughtless and distressingly self-centred. There is no defence and there is no acceptable reasons. I can offer an explanation for my behaviour, but that is all it is. But my explanation comes from my ‘understanding’, if I may use that word, the circumstances of what I now realize is a woefully ignorant life. I interpreted my early life as your having abandoned me – thrown into the trash like a worthless, vile object. I knew my mother was an Erinyes, and everyone know what evil, soulless creatures they are. Thoughtless cruelty is the norm in Hell, so why would you have behaved differently on the Prime Material? This is how a child sees the situation and you have experienced how a child responds.
There are other ways of looking at that same situation, however, that recent information has revealed to also be a possible interpretation. Perhaps i wasn’t thrown away, perhaps i was thrown to . Thrown to safety, away from those who stole you back to Hell and your General Mamnon, or whomever it was.
It is a slightly different way of seeing the same action, but it means a completely opposite thing – deliverance not endangerment, courage not fear, love not hate.
Where has this insight come from you ask? That journal of course. That and your condition. I am overwhelmed and horrified at what has been done to you, yet i am thrilled by the implications.
Why are you still alive is the question. Why did some great and crazy torturer from Hell decide to remove your body and prevent you from growing a new one? Why was it decided that this is more fitting than death?
Punishment?!? You think that what has happened to you is punishment? Mother, shame, you can lie to others, but you can’t lie to yourself and blood runs true. You knew what you were doing, defending that hall and those people, was going to set you opposite those you ‘serve’. You knew it and you did it anyway. You are not being punished; this is merely the cost of doing business. The cost is steep, yes, but honestly, that is all that it is from your side.
But lets go back to the original question – Why this torture and not death?
Yes, I agree you are an example but an example of what?
Of what happens when you betray your General? So what has happened to you is a warning for other to heed? Interesting, isn’t it Mother? You are being used a warning for others of your kind to keep them in line and to prevent them from ‘betraying’ the General like you did. This ‘punishment’ is designed to show others just how egregious your transgression was and to prevent them from doing something similar. He needed a threat worse than death, worse than torture, worse than anything previously devised to prevent a repetition of your actions.
I know you are afraid now Mother. afraid of more and greater pain, more and greater torture and afraid of this General of yours. But imagine his fear. As great as yours is, try to imagine just how tremendous his fear is that he needed to devise a torment spanning these decades. Imagine how exquisite his terror must be, how profound his total abject dread is to have to resort to this. And what is his fear? He is afraid that your actions and the underlying reasons for those actions will spread. He’s afraid that others will develop the will, the courage, the honour and basic goodness that is inherent in all beings, and do what is right . For that is what your actions have shown are possible, even in Hell and that is what must be stopped at all costs, in your General’s mind.
He is not punishing you, he is trying to prevent evolution and revolution. Evolution and revolution that you, Mother, are a catalyst for.
And now you are free and I will break this curse he has put upon you. Can you imagine his fear when he learns this? When his Master learns of this? Can you imagine?
(Kaer kisses her cheek)
Good night Mother. Sleep well. And imagine the possibilities …